Misc TV
Law and Order: TOS, SVU, CI
NCIS
Chuck
Psych
ER
Brother and Sisters
The Closer
Crossing Jordan
The West Wing
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
Desperate Housewives
Bones
The Riches
Weeds
Numb3rs
Medium
Veronica Mars
The L Word
Sex and the City
Oz
House
Little House On the Priarie
7th Heaven
Popular
Father Ted
Dawson's Creek
Ally McBeal
The Practice
The Red Green Show
The Simpsons
Futurama
South Park
Hogan's Heros
Married With Children
Friends
M*A*S*H*
Seinfeld
The Brady Bunch
General Hospital and Port Charles

Misc TV

• "You're just being rewarded for what you've always been, a natural fountain of useless information." Joanie-Providence
• "Sometimes you gotta meet the wrong guy in order to find the right one." Lynda Hanson-Providence
• "If your not going to marry the mother of your kids, you could at least buy some string cheese." Joanie Hanson- Providence
• "The guy went to New York and all he got was this supid murder weapon." Jack Without a Trace
• "I'm going through a lot of stress right now and cherry pie is a known stress reducer." Tony Scali-The Commish
• "I'm not good at writing what I feel. I'm a guy." David Scali -The Commish
• "Faith makes me nervous so blind faith must be terrifying." Graham Kelton-Vanished
• Felicity: "How would you feel if you found out I was singing mean songs about you in public?"
  Noel: "I'd feel bad for the public."-Felicity
• "I don't want to be the Marsha Brady of the new millenium." Sarah-Time of your Life
• Claudia: "It's not the turn, not 'til 2001.
  Julia: "No it is the turn 'cause mankind says it is." Party of Five
• "You're gonna meet the entire family, which is girlspeak for commitment." Julia-Party of Five
• "The only way to be sure not to get this is not to try." Julia-Party of Five
• "I really have a lot of bad boyfriend habits." Julia-Party of Five
• "It's not ok, it's just how it is." Bailey-Party Of Five
• "What good is being a witch, if I can't just twitch my nose and let the laundry fold itself." Phoebe Haliwell-Charmed
• "I can't believe I came to the Valley for a career." Cher-Clueless
• "I did what you said, but it keeps adding to my angst." Cher-Clueless
• "I can't understand him, it's like listening to a Prodigy album." Dion-Clueless
• "Sex is like Canada, it's right there, but we never go." Paul Buchman-Mad about You
• "I've got a plan so cunning, you could put a tail on it and call it weasel." Black Adder-Black Adder
• "If Buffy wasn't such a hit, this would never have happened." Hunter Fallow-Grosse Point
• "Here she comes, don't be nice." Hunter-Grosse Point
• "My log does not judge" The Log Lady-Twin Peaks
• "Donuts, donuts, donuts, Twin Peaks will be right back." Lucy-Twin Peaks
• "Admiration is for poets and dairy cows." Ben Horne-Twin Peaks
• "I have no idea where this will lead us, but I have a feeling it will be wonderful and strange." Dale Cooper-Twin Peaks
• "If you have such a vivid fantasy life, why bother paying for cable?" Rick-Once and Again
• "I can see why the students love you, you act thier age." Lauren Davis-Boston Public
• "Girls only sleep with guys 'cause it leads to dancing." Lauren-Boston Public
• "Men are easily confused when it comes to women's bodies." Rex-Family Law
• Danni: "How's about a Margarita?"
  Lynn: "Now, I'm happy." Family Law
• "We're fags...being obsessed with youth and beauty is our god given right." Emmit Honeycut-Queer as Folk
• "Gay men cannot live on tulip beds and speed bumps alone." Brian Kinny-Queer as Folk
• "Syphilus-that's so 80's, 1880's." Brian Kinny-Queer as Folk
• "It's a fag eat fag world." Ted Queer as Folk
• "Hate Sells." Ben Queer as Folk
• "Shit goes wrong because there's evil in the world." Sarah-Six Feet Under
• "She could still show up for her own son's coma." Claire Six Feet Under
• "There's too many coldcuts out there already-here take this scary fruitcake." Bettina Six Feet Under
• "This isn't the 50's anymore, no matter how you dress." Margaret Chenowith Six Feet Under
• "That's not the radio, that's a little audio wallpaper I've arranged." Branden Walsh-Beverly Hills 90210
• "You can't lick the queen." Monk Monk
• "I feel a little naked without my lawyer." Mr. Sullivan Kidnapped
• "Family is a haven in a heartless world." Alice Cain Kidnapped
• "Look it's Bigfoot and he's a Red Sox fan." Richard Dolman SciFi Investigates
• "Cook-ing is not a city in China." Ed Begly Jr. Living With Ed
• "His wits have been battered into confusion." Cadfael Cadfael
• "Between friends there is no owing." Cadfael Cadfael
• "At the end of the day a loving family should find everything forgivable, or what's the point of being a family." Barb Big Love
• "Margene, go! Your babies are eating bugs." Nicki Big Love
• "When you hide, you're only half a man." Nicki Big Love
• "Smoking corrupts the body." Rhonda Big Love
• "What stage of greif does golf come under?" Nicki Big Love
• "You seem more villinous than usual, are you sober?" Michael Arrested Development
• "They say seven minutes heals all wounds." Michael Arrested Development
• "You know if you'd accidently worked a day in your life, you'd know there's no indignity in it." Michael Arrested Development
• "Wine only turns into alcohol if you let it sit." Lindsey Arrested Development
• "Don't you understand the difference between dying for something and dying for nothing?" Jack Bauer 24
• "The Muslim community is our best defense against these terrorist." Palmer 24
• "In case you're forgotten, I'm pretty good at disappearing." Jack 24
• "Never underestimate what a kosher lifestyle can do for you." Josh Bernstein Digging for the Truth
• "Just like Stonehenge, only different." Josh Bernstein Digging for the Truth
• "I'm Pluto, cold and distant and alone." Jeremy Darling Dirty Sexy Money
• Simon Elder: "I don't eat meat."
  Karen Darling: "Oh, but that's all the yummy stuff." Dirty Sexy Money
• "The firearm chapter of my marrage is over." Patrick Darling Dirty Sexy Money
• "Art shows us the images of out internal structure, it helps us to see parts of ourselves." Lisa Dirty Sexy Money
• "Happiness is a pretty important product." Mike Nesmith The Monkees
• "To insult somebody, they have to understand you." Mickey The Monkees
• Peter: "What do you have against doors?"
  Mike: "My head." The Monkees
• "I'd like to say you're smarter than you look, but I'd be lying." Martin Without A Trace
• Six Feet Under
• Beverly Hills 90210
• The Commish
• Felicity
• Time of Your Life
• Providence
• The Closer
• Party Of Five
• Charmed
• Clueless
• Mad About You
• Black Adder
• Grosse Pointe
• Queer as Folk (US)
• Vanished
• SciFi Investigates
• Living With Ed
• 24
• Big Love
• Arrested Development
• 24
• Numbers
• Cadfael
• Digging for the Truth
• Dirty Sexy money
• The Monkees
• Without a Trace

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• Finn: "How can you read that trash?"
  Duethorn: "I have an enquirering mind." (SVU)
• "Sustaining ignorance is hard work." Jack McCoy (TOS)
• "I wouldn't want to give a kid the responsibiltiy of me." Munch (SVU)
• "Back in the day there was only one thing you grew indoors, and it wasn't tomatos" Det. Mike Logan (CI)
• "You wanna have fun, go to Coney Island and ride the Cyclone." Det. Olivia Benson (SVU)
• "Don't ask me, I just know stuff." Det. Finn Tutuola (SVU)
• "Couple hundred years, races will be so mix up, it won't matter." Det. Finn Tutuola (SVU)
• "Death by Botox. Live slow, die old, leave a good looking corpse." ME Elizabeth Rogers (CI)
• "Not only does he remove hairs, but he slipt them." Det. Bobby Goren (CI)
• "The smell of Italian leather is intoxicating." Det. Bobby Goren (CI)
• "Are you two having a playdate?" Det. Alex Eames to Goren and ADA Carver (CI)
• Munch: "Why do we always get the trash detail?"
  Finn: :"'cause we're the right men for the job." (SVU)
• "A building may crumble, but infamey is forever." Det. Bobby Goren (CI)
• "Killed in and apartment with white walls and a crappy laundry facility, I think I live there." Finn (SVU)
• "I'll take words anyday over being raped with a pipe." Finn (SVU)
• "Dodge ball, haven't they outlawed this barbaric practice?" Munch (SVU)
• Benson: "You're a good Catholic, I though Jesus taught forgiveness."
  Stabler: "Yeah, well Jesus is perfect, I'm not." (SVU)
• Eames: "I'm supposed to keep an eye on you."
  Goren: "Let me know if I can help you with that." (CI)
• "Oh great, cat person." Det. Alex Eames (CI)
• "I love the information super highway, you can meet creepazoids from all over the world without leaving the the comfort of your own home." Munch (SVU)
• "That's great, don't recycle, you keep doing that and the eco terroists win." Agent Stark (SVU)
• "Oh no...Tofu patties." Stabler (SVU)
• "What are you sheep? Will you believe anything?" Munch (SVU)
• "Death by lubricant, you think there's a message in that?" Det. Wheeler (CI)
• "Looks like Mr. Bear is missing his mate. Bears don't handle that well." Logan (CI)
• Logan: "Oh Canada, where the age of consent is 14."
  Wheeler: "And you know this because..."
  Logan: "I'm kind of a Canada buff." (CI)
• "Never trust opinion polls." Goren (CI)
• "Some people should not be allowed to drink coffee" Munch (SVU)
• Finn: "OK, I always wanted to know this."
  Munch: "What?" (SVU)
  Finn: "Do Twinkies last forever? Give you 20 bucks to take a bite." (SVU)
• "Don't you know the secret to luck is never to trust it." Nicole Wallace (CI)
• "It's lonely at the bottom." Eames (CI)
• "...in the name of cracking down on crime, sometimes I fell we throw civil liberties to wind." Munch (SVU)
• "Men are lazy, even if there's a good meal across town, they'll still reach for the nearest donut." Wheeler (CI)
• "They used a loophole in the law to screw someone out of healthcare." Munch (SVU)
• "The kindess thing I could ever do for a kid is not adopt." Munch (SVU)
• "You can go and do your little dance in hell now." Eames (CI)
• "Word on the conspiracy mill is she's out having my love child." Munch (SVU)
• "Without abject suffering I wouldn't know what to do with myself." Munch (SVU)
• "Oh look, cocain in a recording studio, I'm shocked, shocked." Logan (CI)
• "Talking to that guy is like walking into a fog bank." Eames (CI)
• "A sex fiend and a bully, politics is the perfect place for him." Eames (CI)
• "I loved my husband so much I had to kill my lover--It'd make a great country song..." Logan (CI)
• "Don't people have sex in bed anymore?" Benson (SVU)
• "You're not up on that Wheeler? Goren would have known." Logan (CI)
• "That place is a toilet, the roaches were checking out." Finn (SVU)
• Benson: "Were you a car thief in another life?"
  Finn: "No baby, Boyscout, always prepared." (SVU)
• "Raising kids doesn't give you a free pass to sainthood." Logan (CI)
• "It's the 90's, everyone's allowd to be as gross and disgusting, not just you." Brisco (TOS)
• Goren: "What about the great American past time?"
  Eames: "Which one, dieting or cheating on your taxes?" (CI)
• "It's a tits and ass world, men are pigs and we should all rot in hell, unfortunately, that is not my juristiction." McCoy (TOS)
• "You used her and that pisses me off!" Goren (CI)
• "You don't have to be law review to add one and one." McCoy (TOS)
• "I don't need a smoking gun, a smoking peashooter will do." ADA Carver (CI)
• "Bad guys do what good guys dream." Goren (CI)
• "Funny thing about Law, the right hand commits the murder, the left hand pays for it." Carver (CI)
• "Diamonds don't keep you warm at night." Goren (CI)
• Finn: "Is there anything you're not suspicious about?"
  Munch: "No, including what's in this hot dog." (SVU)
• Munch: "Maybe I should become an escort."
  Finn: "Don't quit your day job." (SVU)
• "A little faith wouldn't kill you." Barek (CI)
• "Soulmates come in all shapes and sizes and ages." Benson (SVU)
• Jefferies: "Is there anything you just accept?"
  Munch: "Yeah, Compliments."
  Jefferies: "Oh, no wonder you're so skeptical." (SVU)
• "Everyone knows women mature faster than men." Cassidy (SVU)
• Witness: "Do I need a lawyer?"
  Stabler: "For being a peeping tom? No just a good shrink." (SVU)
• "You don't fall in love with people you work with no matter how great the sex was." Benson (SVU)
• "Closure is a myth." Benson (SVU)
• "Expunged doesn't mean vaporized." Eames (CI)
• "He may be crazy, but you're evil." Goren (CI)
• Goren: "Crystal meth?"
  Eames: "No thanks." (CI)
• "You consider big time college basketball an extra curricular activity? Are you serious?" Cassidy (SVU)
• "In our world behavior modification means prision time." Benson (SVU)
• "One small step for privacy, one giant leap for conspitacy." Robinette (TOS)
• "A junkie's gonna be a junkie whether it's legal or not." Logan (TOS)
• "I never understood what smiling is supposed to prove, innocent people aren't happy to go to jail." Eames (CI)
• "Civil liberties good, lawyers bad." Munch (SVU)
• Huang: "Do you gamble Elliot?"
  Stabler: "Only with birth control." (SVU)
• "Some ho tricks me into fatherhood, I'd be pretty worked up." Finn (SVU)
• "It's never too late to clear your conscience." Benson (SVU)
• "Eternal damnation is not a police matter." Stabler (SVU)
• "If anyone is looking for me, I'll be in the porcelin reading room." Munch (SVU)
• "When heroes fall, they take everyone with them." Deakins (CI)
• "I do my repenting on Sunday." Van Buren (TOS)
• "Theories are made to be tested." Eames (CI)
• "If they're your kids it's not called babysitting, it's called being a dad!" Eames (CI)
• "When love warps into hate, there's nothing you won't do." Elliot (SVU)
• "When searching for God, how'd you end up looking for targets?" Goren (CI)
• "Sometimes a whale is just a whale." Goren (CI)
• "Who wants to go through a dump in Newark in August?" Munch (SVU)
• "I take this to a grand jury, it'll have more holes than the IRS code." Robinette (TOS)
• "There's more to litary scholarship that reading books." Nicole Wallace (CI)
• "The 70's are a blur." Brisco (SVU)
• "I respect hookers, at least they earn thier money up front, unlike exwives who gain with that lucrative backend deal." Munch (SVU)
• "Never underestimate the power of a guilty conscience." Eames (CI)
• "The fancier the building, the bigger ther vermin in the wall." Eames (CI)
• "He was too strange for the chess club?" Eames (CI)
• "Garden State, my ass, I guess chemical capital of the world didn't have the same zing to it." Munch (SVU)
• "There should be a special level of hell for this puss sucking, gangfrouness, malignancy, of a mental amoeba." Munch (SVU)
• "Why shouldn't I add some muscle to what you so lovingly refer to as 'my boney ass'." Munch (SVU)
• Benson: "Who has ten kids no adays?"
  Stabler:"Not even Catholics" (SVU)
• "A lot of playwrites are angry..." Captain Ross (CI)
• "He's dramatic, it doesn't mean he's guilty." Goren (CI)
• "I remember when the news was more important than ratings." Captain Cragan (SVU)
• "Don't worry when you feel something, worry when you don't" Captain Cragan (SVU)
• "Hey, I got something spooky on your spook." Munch (SVU)
• "Modern technology; aren't we lucky Big Brother's watching us from above." Munch (SVU)
• "Party animal road kill. What are we doing here?" Logan (CI)
• "How did my desk become the food distribution center?" Elliot (SVU)
• "If a cold chill just ran up your spine, it's because a defense attorny just walked in." (SVU)
• "Welcome to the world of gray." Stabler (SVU)
• "Just because a teenager disagrees with the parents doen't mean the parents have done something wrong." Kragen (SVU)
• "I speak 10 year old" Munch (SVU)
• "We're detectives, we don't talk." Goren (CI)
• "The Patriot act, well I read that in its orginal form, 1984." Logan (CI)
• "Rule #1 don't drink at work, rule #2, don't talk about work while drinking." Jack MCcoy (TOS)
• "My partner doesn't adapt well to change." Eames (CI)
• "The law is one size fits all." Elliot (SVU)
• "I'll take a crime scene over playing a clown at the neighbor's kid's party anyday." Falacci (CI)
• "Everyadolocent boy in America looks at porn on the internet." ADA Casey Novak (SVU)
• "Don't mind my partner, he's a little A.D.D." Eames (CI)
• "Don't tell me, you read paranoid." Eames (CI)
• "I don't just want to rail on your parade, I want to blow up the floats." Munch (SVU)
• "Isn't it a little dangerous for you to be around all these helpless donuts." Munch (SVU)
• "Fear feeds capitolism." Munch (SVU)
• "The patriot act, this convoluted piece of legilation isn't worth the paper it's written on." ADA Novak (SVU)
• "Sometimes a whale is just a whale." Goren (CI)
• "I didn't know the hypocratic oath was written in shades of grey." Dr. Warren (SVU)
• "You're dial a weed pal is a murder suspect." Eames (CI)
• Captain Ross: "Where is your partner."
  Eames: "On a reading binge." (CI)
• "If you ask me, the people who are really crazy are the ones who watch reality television." Donny (CI)
• "It's never too late to help a victim." Benson (SVU)
• "Don't get between a guy and his toys." Goren (CI)
• "Murder is still illegal no matter who the victim is." Kragen (SVU)
• "No matter how much you make, it's hard to spend it in Attica." Logan (TOS)
• "...bullets don't recognize your IQ." Logan (CI)
• "We're detectives, we don't stalk." Goren (CI)

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• "It's the mustache lulling us into a false sense of security." Tony Di Nozo
• "You're a geek, not mentally deranged." Gibbs
• "I was the master of fake." Tony Di Nozo
• "Shakespeare got it wrong, we are not food for worms, it's flies and beetles that feast upon us." Ducky
• "Really cool costumes guys, but you spelt CSI wrong on your hats." Carrot
• "The only thing I hate more than Halloween is Klin-ons...The only thing I hate worse than Klin-ons is lawyers." Tony
• "I can't believe after all these years I'm finally losing my crime scene virginity." Abby
• "There's no excuse for poor foot care." Abby
• "The miracle that sets us apart from all other primates-poor penmanship." Abby
• "Every night is Halloween to Abby" Tony
• "You look three cans short of a 6 pack" Abby
• "This is taking geek one step too far." Tony
• Tony: "It seemed less disgusting in my head."
  Ziva: "By comparision withe what else is in there, I'm sure it was."
• "Sometimes it's hard to see the jungle for the ferns." Ziva
• "I have a pimple on my left buttock that's a better writer than you." Tony
• "When you insult his religion, you insult mine and yours." Ziva
• "For an intelligence officer, you are not very intelligent." Ziva
• "This is illegal in some southern states." Tony
• "Very good, I'm impressed, like some kind of wierd uncle." Tony
• "Even arms dealers need groceries." Ziva
• "I frickin' hate Mondays." Tony
• "Aninimity deflects more bullets than body armor." Director Jen Sherpherd
• "Rigorious for most, rigamortis for him." Ducky
• Ziva: "Who is Jack Sparrow?"
  Tony: "Johnny Depp."
  Ziva: "He's a pirate."
• Arms Dealer: "Where am I?"
  Tony: "St. Elsewhere."
• "That's about as likely as me marrying Jessica Alba."
• Tony: "I wonder what Ducky looked like when he was younger."
  Gibbs: "Illya Kuryakin."
• Tony: "I gotta write a book."
  Gibbs: "You should read one first."
• "Knives don't run out of bullets." Ziva
• "Nothing says 'I love you' like a rotton corpse in a crap hole." Tony
• "It is hinky. It might even call it hinky dorry." Abbie
• "It's like some kind of crime not to like nugget."Abbie
• "The wrong pair of shoes can reduce a woman to tears." Tony
• "Not our first meat puzzle." Mr. Palmer
• "This is the place where death rejoices in teaching the living." Ducky
• "There is nothing lucky about waking up in the middle of your own autopsy." Tony
• Ziva: "The Chinese invented pasta."
  Tony: "Communist era propaganda!"
• "Too bad the devil doesn't give refunds." Tony
• "I'm not my director's kepper." Gibbs
• "What better place to hide all your secrets than in a galaxy far far away." Abby
• "This is America, Ziva, land of opertunity, no cabbie ever takes the quickest route." Tony
• Ziva: "I have a funny feeling."
  Ducky: "It's taquilla."
• "I kicked in too many doors to be polite." Gibbs
• "If I needed cheering up, I would have put super glue on Mcgee's keyboard." Tony
• "When people choose not to wear their seat belts, they rarely consider their own mortality." Ducky
• "Only the dead know the true meaning of patience." Ducky
• "K's are funny." Tony
• "Some people wear these spikey things for show, I don't." Abby
• McGee: "You read my mind boss."
  Tony: "Quick read."
• "Baa baa black ship, have you any wool?
  Yes sir, yes sir, but I don't think you can see it, you're gonna need top secret government clearance." Tony
• "Not everything can be explained by the laws of nature." Ziva
• "The plot sickens." Tony
• "If Probie wsa probing last night, I demand to know the details." Tony
• "Love is never having to read her Miranda rights." Abby
• "Do any of your ideas come from reality?" Ziva
• "My fingers are finging." Tony
• "Never get in the way of a chick and her flicks." Tony
• "We have an obligation to honor faith as well as science." Ducky

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• "What's the good of being a hero if nobody knows about it." Chuck
• "Where you always this hot, or did you just come into your hottiness?" Morgan
• "Who brings roast beef to a desert island?" Morgan
• "Throwing things at adult's heads is not the way to---it's not going to help you in life." Morgan
• "Relax, it's dating in LA, everybody lies." Casey
• "Is it me or does our government want us to have sex." Chuck
• "I'm right here you deceptive cake." Ana
• "If there's a bomb in there, we're all gonna die. I might as well enjoy a last smoke." Casey
• "Lone wolves are also lonely." Ana
• "No guns at Thankgiving!" Chuck
• "I know that grunt, yeah, thats a number seven, sceptical with a side of cynicism." Chuck
• "That is God and surgeon working in harmony." Lester
• "How come you always get your lady feeling involoved?" Casey

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  callPsych.com

• "Real heros do not wear capes and they do not wear underwear on the outside." Henry Spencer
• Gus: "We're supposed to be roughing it."
  Sean: "For you information, they don't have TIVO."
• "There are no rules against have a seance, it's like have a yard sale or plastic surgery." Shawn Spencer
• "Think happy thoughs, macaroni and cheese, Lou Diamond Phillips." Shawn
• "I can't put back one of these, that would be like saying one of these candy bars is more worthy than the others, and I can't play thise kind of favorites." Young Shawn
• "You know they make the kind of paint you can eat?" Shawn
• Lassiter: "There's something I gotta get off my chest."
  Shawn: "Is it your shirt, please say no!"
• "You heard about Pluto? That's messed up, right?" Gus
• "That's the great thing about looking, you can do it from far away." Shawn
• "Women want you to listen to them." Henry Spencer
• "The rule is all slacks all the time, no exceptions." Shawn
• "Looks like we might have to open a kennel...for all those copy cats." Shawn
• "You're here to speed date, not shoot somebody." Shawn
• "For your information, men have always taken baths." Henry
• "We're siting unfair surprisary." Shawn
• "When you owe a man $30,000, I'd be careful about criticizing his work ethic." Gus
• "Everyone looks like hell at this time of the morning." Shawn
• "I can mess with your head and put a mental sandwich in your hair." Shawn
• "Chips say you're a cheater cheater pumpkin eater." Shawn
• Young Shawn: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
  Young Gus: "Not even Sort of."
• "You are under arrest, you crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy bitch!" Juliette O'Hara
• "Why would I talk to anyone named Buzz?" Gus
• "Great, you found a pencil, now we can all take the SAT's." Lassiter
• It's too nice a day for murder and Mayhem." Shawn
• "I know the rules and regulations made sense when I memorized them..." Juliette
• "A baby's a baby, you just pull it out at the right time, the real question is, are you allergic to placenta?" Shawn
• "Why did we get TIVO if we never fast forward and I can't stop for commentary." Shawn
• "You're shushing for reality tv?" Shawn
• "The list of suspects can be narrowed down to everyone." Gus
• "Define 'supposed to be'." Shawn
• "I don;t like liers who steal nail polish, then pass out when you hit them on the back of the head." Juliette
• "We're in a hallway, staying close to the wall doesn't make you invisible." Gus
• "Don't be a giant snapping turtle." Shawn
• "I can play six degrees of dinosaur with you right now." Shawn
• "Doodles are the windows to the soul." Shawn
• "If like that movie with Sigornie Weaver and the holes." Shawn
• "By talk, I hope he means talk and not my head in a toilet." Shawn
• "Some kids are just born evil." Gus
• "Tell me you're wearing that shirt because soemone needs to see you from space." Shawn
• "This is a genocide of color. Somewhere a rainbow is weeping." Shawn
• "Did I ask for nutshelling?" Shawn
• "A lie always leads to another lie." Henry
• "You eat a burger without beef in it, you've lost the right to complain about flavor." Henry
• "I'm gonna take your pointy sad faced guy for my horsey." Young Shawn
• "There are no small cases, only small detectives." Lassiter
• "Are yo a Right Said Fred Fan? Are yo too sexy for your shirt?" Shawn
• "If I understood what you guys were saying, I'd still be a virgin." Shawn
• "This guy wouldn't know a good deal if it bit him in his Han Solo action figure pants." Gus
• "You can call shotgun anywhere but in a movie theater." Shawn
• "I prefer my wine in a box." Shawn
• "I'm your father, stop calling me 'dude'." Henry
• "If I were a crime scene where would I be? Here I am." Shawn
• "It gets lonely in this sea of testosterone." Juliette
• "Acting is not a real job." Henry
• "You should have a degree in being wrong all the time." Shawn
• "I don't need your misplaced prepositions." Young Gus
• "My dad, Mr. Integrity, is a lying lier from liersburg." Shawn
• "He tried to hate me to death." Shawn
• "Say what you will about credit cards and paperclips, sometimes a door just needs to be owned!" Shawn
• "Fact, people lie, stuff doesn't." Shawn
• "Gus is gonna have an anurusim and not the good kind." Shawn
• "White socks, black shoes, what's the rule on that, don't you have to be wearing jeans...?" Shawn

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• 
• "Grab that penis and show him who's boss." Dr. John Carter
• "It's not about what happens to us, it's how we deal with what happens to us." Jeannie
• "Who can resist blue cake?" Nurse Hathaway
• Weaver: "Did you even take the Hypocratic oath?"
  Romano: "I had my fingers crossed."
• "Everyone is used...it's what makes the world go 'round." The evil Dr. Romano
• "Being shot sucks" Jerry
• "Why don't you slap eachother silly or just kiss and get it over with." Neela
• "I'm going to look for some normal moms, it could be a while." Abby Lockheart
• "Sometimes you do the right thing and still get shafted." Dr. Pratt
• "A good hospital is about people and medicine." Dr. Weaver
• "Something stinks and it's not the diarrea in four." Morris
• "Do what a boss does, take credit for my resourcefulness." Gates
• "I prefer the tequilla sunrise because of all the pretty colors." Gates
• "You want to loose you libito, get married and have kids." Frank
• "It's your party, cry if you want to." Abby
• "I don't blindly accept order from someone just because they're a doctor...or a man." Sam
• "I'm a single mom, I know that sometimes reaching for help feels like cheating." Sam
• "It doesn't have to make sense, that's why it's called faith." Dr. Pratt

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• "I trust your gut more than my MBA." Sarah
• "Mom, what we don't tell you, could fill the Library of Congress." Kitty
• "The world is too fragile for people to be untrue." Kitty
• "We don't love people because they're perfect, we love them because they are not." Warren
• "The us that I saw today was so much better than the me I was last night." Kitty
• "You are so lucky I'm the only Republican that doen't own a gun." Kitty
• "There's an awful lot of mercury in swordfish, I hope I don't turn into a thermometer." Nora
• "Republicans don't share a close relationship with the truth." Nora
• "Stop saying legal things just to piss me off." Sarah
• "Divorce is not news." Kitty
• "This country's going to bomb something it's the American way." Nora
• "When this war starts making sense, let me know." Kevin
• "He's good looking and he's Republican, I don't know much, but I know it's rare." Justin
• Kitty: What's the gun for?"
  Robert McCallister: "We're Republicans, it's foreplay."
• "I'm not a wing it kind og girl." Sarah
• "You don't need a cell phone to talk to God." Scott
• "I suppose as my sister, if my sister does marry a Republican, I should benefit in some fashion." Sarah
• "It turns out if you want to escape reality, sex is almost as good as pills." Justin
• "Aimless loser is my job." Justin
• "Get up and get stupid with me." Sarah
• "You can never have enough picture frames." Nora
• "Nothing says good night like a text." Kevin
• "You look like, Kermit the frog green." Joe
• "If only my shoes could talk." Kitty
• "Grown up kids make big old grown up mistakes." Nora
• This whole affair is giving my ulcer an anxiety attack." Kevin
• "You sound like a bumper sticker." Kitty
• "I'm a lawyer, the truth is irrelivent." Kevin
• "It's so weird, we live like 15 minutes away, in LA, that's almost like being neighbors." Justin
• "Even if you're full, dessert is an extra compartment." Kitty
• "I wish I was a chivalrous ass instead of being a whole ass." Kevin
• "You can bury dirt? How does that work?" Robert

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• 
• "How can thier be no more overtime? What if my victims don't die between 8 and 4 in the afternoon." Brenda
• Pope: "What do I have to do to make you agree with me."
  Brenda: "Stop being wrong."
• "If you are this worried about money, you know what's really cheap, not solving crimes." Brenda
• "Just because people don't have a criminal record doesn't mean they don't commit crimes." Brenda
• "Nothing tastes better thanks somebody elses wedding cake." Provenza
• "All sorts of things that vibrate adn glow in the dark..." Brenda
• "I've arrived at a place where I can't imagine my life without you." Fritz
• "Killing someone is not my idea of closing a case." Brenda
• "Do you hug? I mean you do have a cat." Clay Johnson
• "If I only went to work when I felt like it, nothing would get done." Brenda
• "Please don't gamble, especially with the press looking over your shoulder." Pope

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• "You thought I was a killer, now you know I'm not. I get that a lot." Jordan
• "Humanity is going to hell." Woody Crossing Jordan
• "Beating people to stop violence makes as much sense as bombing for peace." Jordan
• "Karma, the number one killer of lawyers." Jordan
• "I hate to tell you , you're barking up the wrong pyramid." Woody
• "Did you ever hear about death with dignity, there's no such thing." Dr. Macy
• "People love who they love, it's not wrong." Jordan
• "It's sick how people use words of love to inflict so much hate." Woody
• "Just because she has faith doesn't mean she's wrong." Jordan
• "It's not rocket science, it's just brain surgary." Nigel
• "Sad for you, we don't prioritize our cases based on the beauty of the detective." Kate
• "I'm wearing a black onyx, I'll be fine." Jordan
• "We walk around thinking we're in control of our lives, we're not." Jordan
• "Second bananas don't commit murder, egomaniacs do." Nigel
• "It's always the quiet ones who break like twigs." Kate
• "It takes a village or at least a morgue." Dr. Macy
• "It's always sad when people who work together end up killing eachother." Kate

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• Nurse: "Do you have any medical conditions?"
  President Bartlett: "Well, I've been shot."
• Danny: "Who's in charge?"
  CJ: "The Canadians, you do understand I'm talking about the hockey team."
• "Could I have a couple of asprin or a weapon to kill people with?" President Bartlett
• "Your paranoia was a lot sexier whe you guys were communists." President Bartlett
• "People stopped trusting government during Vietnam because the government stopped trusting them." CJ
• "I like a country were you can sue the insurance company, but you can't sue the people who shot you." Toby
• "Don't ever underestimate the will of a grandfather. We're amd men. We don't give a damn. We got her before you, we'll be here after. We'll make enemies, we'll break bones, but you will not mess with the grandchildren...There's no damn holiday for us either!" President Bartlett
• Leo: "We usually don't raise our hands."
  President Bartlett: "It's not the worst idea in the world."
• "The total tonage of what I know that you don't could stun a team of oxen in its tracks." Vice President John Hoynes
• "If politics brings out the worst in people, then maybe people bring out the best." CJ Craigg

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• "I'm your boss now, so we'll have to postpone this fight for a couple years." Matt Albie
• "I'm running a live national program, can you threaten me later." Cal Shanley
• "No comedian you admire has ever been afraid of silence." Danny Tripp
• "You're shocked that drugs are part of late night television?" Danny Tripp
• "This is not the comedy we intended to do when the week began." Simon Stiles
• "This is like for me, Superman's Dome of Pleasure." Jordan
• "Oh how I love that Eastern witty voice." Jordan
• "It's sexy that I am devoute?" Harriet
• "They're fetishing that I worship?" Harriet
• "Sony and Samsung aren't credible critics of American Culture and politics." Danny
• "Be not afraid of who you are." Matt
• "I'm an American, not an American't" Matt
• "How is it, I'm Jewish and I'm the only one in the room with Christmas spirit." Matt
• "The pro family group support the troops in this time of war, just as long as we don't see or hear what our troop fighting a war looks or sounds like." Jack Rudolph
• "Aren't you supposed to wait until you slept with me to start acting like a creep?" Lucy
• "You can't walk away as you burn down the house." Matt
• "I've got the animal kingdom of axis of evil down there." Cal Shanley
• "I couldn't have offended her more if I recrucified her savior." Matt
• Matt: "What's the full title of Kublakahn and who wrote it?"
  Danny:"Gene Roddenberry."
  Matt: "I said Kublakahn not Wrath of Kahn."
• "The show's written, put down your crayons." Danny
• "A writer's room is a tough place for a writer." Matt
• "You're engaged and there's a baby, 'cause like two hours ago, none of that was true." Harriet
• "There's no such thing as someone who doesn't want to sleep with you." Simon
• "Some situations call for being impolite." Simon
• "The one thing that's not handed to you is humility." Harriet
• "I heard the president say you're either with us or against us, unless you're Saudi Arabia; if you gave money to the Democrate, you're not with us." Simon
• "Is true Patriotism so fragile that it can be threatend by a late night comedy show?" Matt
• "I'm just gonna stay here and have a concussion." Harriet

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• "Going through your things makes me feel like I'm with you." Ellie
• "...you learn more if you don't knock." Mary Alice
• "In the suburbs, there's nothing more decptive than a smile." Mary Alice
• "That's culinary terrorism." Orsen
• "I don't think you can have sexy date night without whipped cream." Susan
• "What's more affordable than a promise." Edie
• "The things I'll do for jewlery." Gabby
• "You should see his cholestorol, this man bleeds baking grease." Gabby
• "Brides are sensative creatures, and nobody knows this better than the birdesmaids who have to deal with them." Mary Alice
• "You know what's really bad luck, marrying a wife killer." Lynette
• "It's like my grandmother always said, an erect penis doesn't have a conscience." Gabby
• "We all have momentsof desperation but if we can fight them head on that's how we find out how strong we really are." Mary Alice
• "The truth is illusive and it knows how to hide." Mary Alice
• "It's the rare man that understands the value of a single perfect rose." Mary Alice
• "I've lived with this bitterness so long, I think I'd be lonely withou it." Susan
• "To live in fear is not to live at all." Mary Alice
• "I'm not going to drug my boys just to make your job easier!" Lynette
• "Just because you didn't hear them fighting doesn't mean they were happy." Bree
• "When it comes to fashion, women are seldom charitable." Mary Alice
• "Normal is a bad, bad plan." Lynette
• "Sometimes the only way to ward off the darkness is to shine the light of campassion." Mary Alice
• "I am one of those whining self involved sick people." Lynette
• "Suburbia is filled with responsible people living responsible lives." Mary Alice
• "Would you like to join me for a dreadful cup of coffee." Bree
• "Long after we're gone, love remains, burned into our memories." Mary Alice
• "What if you want to be supportive but you just can't stand to listen to people bitch." Edie
• "History is designed to be rewritten." Mary Alice
• "Everyone knows the wife gets the house and the husband gets the crappy apartment, it's the American way." Gabby
• "Of all the gay men in the world, we have to get the two without taste." Bree
• "A tumor is a tumor, whether it's in the body or across the street." Lynette
• "The art of sabatage is always practiced in the suburbs." Mary Alice
• "Men are genetically capable of realizing their dreams are stupid." Karen
• "You gotta hand it to the Catholics, they do grief better than anyone else." Bree
• "There was punch in the rum?" Orson
• "Some confessions are just bragging in duguise." Mary Alice
• "Don't look with your eyes, look with your imagination." Tom
• "I'm just gonna say it, taquilla makes me happy." Gabby
• "Oh my heavenly days." Bree
• "She thinks you're kind of evil." Edie
• "I'm sure she was a real bitch, but she's family, so that makes her our bitch." Andrew
• "The supermom is always the first to snap. There's been a study." Edie
• "It's just a little foreskin, he'll never miss it." Bree
• "You can't cheat on a corpse." Bree
• "How am I supposed to eat with her uterus staring in my face." Edie
• "Why are Americans so amazed when the English display the slightest aquantence with dental hygene?" Ian
• "We can't prevent what we can't predict." Mary Alice
• "You're so far out of your league, you're playing a differnt sport." Edie
• "I can't have juice with donuts, it's not natural." Susan
• "In some circles beating people up at all is frowned upon." Gabby
• "I'm not putting a car seat in my Mazarati." Gabby
• "That's the beauty of youth, little girls believe anything is possible." Mary Alice
• "I have this hole in my life that can't be filled by shopping." Gabby
• "Nobody wants to read the truth at Christmas." Bree
• "The fifth commandment tells us to honor our parents, no matter how hidious and repelant they may be." Bree
• "Relationships have nothing to do with good judgement, it doesn't matter how smart you are, you can still get hurt." Susan
• "My mother's not moving in here until she fits in a jar on the mantle." Orson
• "I don't trust friendly women." Edie
• "This is not the pudding of an honest woman." Bree
• "A shared purpose can give even mortal enemies common ground." Mary Alice
• "Oh for pukes sake!" Edie
• "If you are taking me somewhere where I don't need a boa, I don't want to go." Gabby
• "We're Catholic, God is pretty one note on the whole subject of procreation." Gabby
• "The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifferance." Bree
• "Virginity went out of fashion in the 50', and I don't think it's coming back anytime soon." Gabby
• "Who knows why virgins do anything." Gabby
• "Tuesday's the day i become a lesbian." Susan
• "When the truth is ugly, people try keep it in." Mary Alice
• "you cannot let your feelings for a man blind you to cold hard facts." Susan
• Susan: "I'll cook dinner myself."
  Bree: "Good, let me know if there are any survivors."
• "What are you trying to do you back stabbing cow!" Edie
• "Movie, then ice cream, it's an American tradition." Lynette
• "I'm a bitch with a capitol c." Lynette
• "Only the truely repentant have any right to expect a second chance." Mary Alice
• "I wish there was a pill to take to protect your heart." Susan
• "The only thing worse than going through the motions is not bothering to go through the motions." Lynette
• "I should never buy lingere when I'm horny, it's like buying groceries when you're hungry." Edie
• "Orange says beware, something terrible is going to happen." Lynette
• "Betrayal makes me vengeful." Susan
• "This dress was meant to be seen, every day it hangs in the closet and angel loses his wings." Gabby
• "I didn't marry an angry woman, I just divorced one.
• "Sex is like tennis, when you play an ifirior opponent, your game suffers." Edie
• "If I'm going to give myself to you, you're going to have to worship me." Gabby
• "Nothing is better than family." Carlos
• "Of all emotions, passion is the one that gives us reason to live." Mary Alice
• "You've tasted my cooking, it wouldn't be thanking you, it would be revenge." Susan
• "Since when does praying make your boobs bigger." Edie
• "I am a horrible person, I chose raviloli over motherhood." Lynette
• "I'm a mess on the inside, where the mascara can't run." Gabby
• "It's never bad luck when I look fabulous." Gabby
• "You know what they say, bros beofre hos." carlos
• "There's no 'can't' in love." Susan
• "Your lies are more convincing when I cared." Carlos
• "Family, there is nothing more important." Mary Alice
• "Marriage is like these Bon Bons, you never know what you're getting until you're right in the middle." Susan
• "Let's celebrate, More chocolate." Gabby
• "What's a garden without a snake?" Bree
• "I know being dramatic is the birthright of every teenager..." Susan

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• "Friends don't let friends photocopy thier butts at company Christmas parties." Angela
• Booth: "God doesn't make mistakes."
  Angela: "I don't know, putting testicles on the outside didn't seem like such a good idea."
• "You compete to be king of the lab?" Angela
• "I tried all the dumb, normal guy stuff, that's why I'm talking to the brain trust." Booth
• "People need connection, even me." Dr. Brennan
• "You actually have a knight in big shining standard issue FBI armor." Angela
• "There isn't much differance between a corrupt government and organized crime." Hodgins
• "I hate this part, where you stand there with a gun and I have to go do the looking." Dr. Brennan
• "There is nothing just about sex." Booth
• "Why can't you just hum like a normal happy person?" Booth
• "This whole conspiracy thing is a lot more intense when you're right in the middle of it." Hodgins
• "My problem is, I got shot at , me and my partner, plus, bad guy got away, so I'm a little bit cranky." Booth
• "This is the stuff Booth is good at, the murky ways of the human heart." Dr. Brennan
• "I'd take a stand-up crook over a crooked cop any day of the week." Booth
• "What you call being a conspiracy theorist, I call being well informed." Hodgins
• "First we identify beyond a shadow of a doubt, then we get paranoid." Cam
• "If drugs were legalize they could be dispensed from clean, safe, controled outlets by trailed professionals, not in alley ways by criminals." Dr. Brennen
• "Friends don't let friends photocopy thier butts at company Christmas parties." Angela
• "Nothing brings people together like a Christmas lung fungus." Booth
• "I don't know how to talk to crazy people unless I'm dating them." Angela
• "Intelligence doesn't determine what you do, but how effectively you will do it." Brennan
• "Hip-hop isn't condusive to sleep." Brennan
• "Size doesn't matter, it's how you use it." Booth
• "I guess if you don't have to explain why your a hero, you're not really a hero." Booth
• Hodgins: "Don't get paranoid."
  Angela: "That's funny coming for a conspiracy theorist."
• Just because you have a doctorate now, doesn't mean I won't use you as a swizzle stick." Angela
• "I clicked on a pop up and got caught in a pornado." Hodges
• "Sex, socks, pretty much the same thing." Booth
• "Testostrone spill on aisle 4." Angela
• Hodges:"Do you know how tight a rat's rectum is?"
  Angela: "Please tell me you don't"
• "Don't use your brain so much, sweetie, you have other organs that can give you far more pleasure." Angela
• "Bone people should only do bone things." Cam
• Angela: "They are the same level of hottness."
  Cam: "Which is zero, because they're skeletons."
• "You know what you people lack--whimsey. It's a genuine handicap." Angela
• "She refers to God as my invisible friend." Booth
• "Can we take this with us or to we have to get a warrant on God?" Brennan
• "I can't fight or shoot a gun, but if something bad happens, I can spit with deadly accuracy." Angela
• "Diving head first into a pit of cadavours is no way to get over a break up" Angela
• "You don't overlook anything when you're looking for the truth." Brennan
• "He fell from outer space wearing a pair of loafers?" Booth
• "Pluto is no longer a planet, it got demoted." Hodges
• "I checked out the STC, they're part of the tin foil hat squad." Booth
• Booth: "Our government doesn't kill people, Bones."
  Brennan: "You were a sniper, wasn't it our government who sent you to kill people."
• "Just because you say it in that definiative tone, doesn't mean it means anthing to me." Booth
• "The heroine always catches the bad guy." Brennan
• "There's some things like love that can't be measured in your lab." Booth
• "I'd back down if I were you, he shot a clown once." Brennan
• "...as long as the reception makes Caluigula blush." Angela
• "How's about we not discuss child murder and our upcoming nuptuals in the same conversation." Hodges
• "There's no time out during an arrest." Booth

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• "Life is too short to work for assholes." Wayne
• "Of all the assaholic things you've done, this is the most assaholic." Dalia
• "Don't start the morals crap, you're a lawyer, you don't have morals." Hugh Panco
• "There's always a man, one of lifes' tragedies, we fall in love, then we have to deal with all the shit that goes with it." Dalia
• "This isn't lying, it's creative reasoning." Wayne
• "Men are like little boys, they're just afraid someone is gonna come and take all thier toys away." Dalia

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• "If there was a fire, I'd run, otherwise I'd just bash in the smoke detector." Nancy Botwin
• "The downside of this business is death." Nancy
• "Let your freak flag fly." Celia Hodes
• "Don't look at me, I'm fucked up on cornbread." Doug wilson
• "When I nail something, it stays there." Conrad
• "Wanna flick some peas." Celia
• "If you ever want to get laid, you have to learn to cook at least one thing." Andy
• You made your bed, now fuck in it." Nancy
• "Fire beats plague." Doug
• "It's not even a bakery, it's a fakery." Andy
• "Weed makes you hungry and happy." Andy
• "$300 a pill and no fun, what a gip." Doug
• Andy:"They want to send me to Iraq, Lupita."
  Lupita: "Bye!"
• "You name me one thing that's more important than a corporate takeover of our Democracy." Andy
• "Fair is what you pay to ride a bus." Haylia
• "You cannot become a lesbian just because you don't want to lose weight." Celia
• "When does CPR become necrophilia?" Doug
• "I have many layers, like lasagna." Andy
• "Look on the bright side, like the rest of America, most of them won't vote." Nancy
• "...as the US always seems to do when we have a president named Bush, we invaded his country." Andy
• "When I'm done, you won't be able to get a seat in a chair facotry." Celia
• "You fucked up, why should I have to soul search." Doug
• "Just because we are crazy and you are crazy doesn't make us related." Nancy

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• "When it comes to matters of the heart, even Alchemides preferred a cold shower." Larry
• "Talk of purity always disturbs me." Charlie
• "Professor Eppes is protected by the most impenatrable armor of all, physics." Larry Fleinhardt
• "How can a math genus not know how old his father is?" Alan Eppes
• "The efforts I've made to simplify my life are becoming complicated." Larry
• "You cane contemplate silence, but you can never find it." Larry
• "This non math is driving me insane." Charlie
• "While you're out there fighting the power, try recycling." David Sinclaire
• "You can't deney the cultural impact that comic books have had on this country." David
• "There's life outside work?" David
• "I didn't get where I am by giving up on being right." Charlie
• "The timeless dilema, how to coherse logic to meet with emotion." Larry

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• "It's never God's plan to be up at 3:15 in the morning." DA Devalos
• "Have you ever seen anyone put a birthday candle in a bowl of cereal?" Allison
• "Hey songbird, do you think you could keep the whistling down, I'm trying to have a nightmare here." Allison
• "I was afraid I was gonna have to keep after you to get you to drink something from the alcohol food group." Joe
• "I had a bad dream, what a shock." Allison
• "No diarama drama." Joe
• "Hope is the high, dread is the low, I guess life is that stuff inbetween." Allison
• "If the idol is supposed to be American, how come they let that British guy do all the talking." Bridgette
• "There are no clues in math, either you know the answer or your you don't." Ariel
• "I'm pretty sure this falls under the catagory of white lie.' Joe

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• "Would you like some dim sum and then some?" Veronica
• "I hear there's a ride called the Viper-isn't that like your mother ship?" Veronica to Madison Sinclaire
• "Why can't evil get jobs like the rest of us?" Veronica
• "Sometimes a cigar store is just a cigar store." Veronica
• "Help me Mars Wan Kinobi, you're my only hope." Logan Eccoles
• Mac: "You got a plan, right?"
  Veronica: "Ish."
• "Have you been watching House of Wax? You know that Hilton girl gives you nightmares." Keith Mars
• "I hate fake deer too. Everytime I see thier fake deer faces, I want to take a shot gun and go all Chaney on them." Veronica
• "Sorry, we're all out of liquid evil." Veronica
• "If you look hard enough everyone looks like they hiding dark secrets." Veronica
• "I only follow sports that are done to music." Veronica
• "If there's hilarity, I charge extra." Veronica
• "...the one that got away was dressed as a cylon and you knew her as number 6."
• "Connection, higher plain, you're fracked." Veronica
• "It's easier to be nosey if I can wander around." Veronica
• "There are some things women are usually known for faking." Veronica
• "How did people find sex before the internet." Veronica
• "I'm getting lost in the sex, nap, eat, repeat loop. I'm in the porn version of Ground Hog's Day." Mac
• "Did my fanclub meet tonight? I thought you only met on Wednesdays." Logan
• "Love makes me lazy. It's a dangerous drug, it kills more brain cells than crystal meth." Mac
• "You are going to be so popular in hell." Veronica
• "It's like you're a giant jack ass pinata begging for someone to beat the candy out of you." Veronica
• "After all these years do you instantly fear me? You should write a note." Veronica
• "They stole your stuff and covered your car in dust?" Veronica
• "'Frack' is the profanity of the future." Moe the RA
• "Parker's out somewhere with the unwashed, I'll tell her the needs hosed down stopped by." Mac
• "Look, it's your BFF, the town drunk." Veronica
• "I'd like a boy, a bottle of hooch and you can fast track me to the dirty room so I can get the frack out of here." Veronica
• "The 70's has the Hustle, the 80's had the moon walk, we have the faux lesbian dance." Veronica
• The Best way to keep a guy at least 10 feet away is dry heave. Vomit is the new mace." Veronica
• "Football, the systematic violation of the Geneva Convention made into a sport." Veronica
• "Jeolous would involve piano wire." Veronica
• "When you think about it, no one wants to know what college boys do in Mexico." Veronica
• "Bland is the new hot!" Veronica
• "Hmmm? When did the Greek chorus of shame arrive?" Veronica
• "Do you want to nail someone to the wall just or have someone nailed there or do you want the person responsible to pay?" Veronica
• "In my world the wicked don't get parting gifts." Veronica
• "You know what they say in the big house, If you can't find a partner use a wooden chair." Veronica
• "I ordered capilini and that doesn't look like angel hair." Veronica
• "So what would Stan Marsh say in a situation like this, I think we all learned a valuble lesson about faith, you give it to the people you love, but the people who really deserve it are the ones who come through even when you don't love them enough." Veronica
• "The sheriff is an idiot, I've known smarter sandwiches." Dean Cyrus O'Dell
• Keith: "Good Morning."
  Veronica: "Yes it is, cam a little bit earlier than I would have liked."
• "I have so much information, I have no place inside for food." Keith
• "I don't care if you're angry, I just care if you're safe." Logan
• "He's a master debater." Logan
• "Sir Cheats -a- Lot, how's business." veronica
• "My name is Carson Drew and this is my assistant Nancy." Keith
• "It's a sad state of affairs when I'm the academic on the balcony." Dick
• "Don't worry about the sheriff, he has a long and proud history of being wrong." Keith
• "Dad, do me a favor, don't get murdered." Veronica
• "I only brood when I'm not doing anything." veronica
• "It's easy to be happy all the time when you're 11." Logan
• "That's just why I'm in jail, to avoid Valentine's Day." Veronica
• "I like it better when we're not civilians." Veronica
• "Strippers ahoy!" Veronica
• "So I guess it's true. little future murderers play with dinosaurs just like everyone else." veronica
• "My name is Miss Crocket and this is my partner Mr. Tubbs." Veronica
• "The one big downside of justice is it feels good, but nothing changes." veronica
• "You know I don't like you exposed to all this crime and violence, it's going to warp your mind." Keith
• "I got 20 bucks that says you can whip my ass and make me like it." Piz
• "Nothing says I'm over you like dating down." Veronica
• "How is it you have so many friends? You hate people." Veronica

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• "Men should be knitting and women should be running the world." Alice
• "I think calling sex an addiction is just an excuse for bad behavior." Bette
• "You're weird, you're weirder than me." Jenny
• "It's not a f*#@ing woman's job to be consumed and invaded and spat out so some fucking man can evolve." Jenny
• Dana:"What do you want your safe word to be."
  Alice: "I don't know, tunafish."
• Alice: "Why are you shaving your legs?"
  Dana: "'cause there's hair on them."
• "I follow the heart, not the anatomy." Alice
• "I happen to be the earth mother, I would be the Godmother, but I don't believe in God." Alice
• "Don't take a job that doesn't make your heart sing." Angus
• "Lies told by presidents as a justification for war is unpatriotic." Bette
• "Maybe if we knew more about George W's weapon of mass destruction, you know, we could figure out how to blow him out of office." Alice
• "I think that thinking you're not cool, is f*#@ing cool." Jenny
• "I'm a little low on the sperm right now." Alice
• "I'd rather be a fuck up than a lier." Shane
• "Isn't love just love?" Helena
• "That's Mr. It to you." Billy
• "I'm a meditation retreat drop out!" Bette
• "Sex isn't a leisure activity." Jenny
• "The thing that you've taught us about friendship is to be fearless." Jenny
• "Sometimes love just doesn't last the way you hope it will, but if you work it through that pain, it just lasts in ways that are more precious, maybe, possibly." Shane
• "Embrace the abyss." Alice
• "I swear to god, if you come near me I will abort your head from your body!" Kit
• "Lesbians love to eat thier own." Alice
• "Don't be too careful, that's dreary." Jodi
• "The shit that happens to you as a child, can make you better as an adult." Jenny
• "None of that Clinton shit now, inhale!" Tom
• "The more I'm afarid of something, the more I know I have to do it." Jodi
• "I'm actaully kind of excited about the black eye, I think it will be cute." Alice
• "Just because you've had a baby, doesn't make you more exualted than the rest of us." Jenny
• "The next and last time I run, will be to chase the guy who invented ultimate frisbee." Mac
• "It's Friday night, I'll walk long enough in a straight line and I'll hit a party." Dick
• "What kind of musician doesn't recognize the Beatles as the greatest rock band of all times?" Keith
• "The point of the internet is to make money off stupid people." Max
• "It's like your this giant jackass pinata waiting for someone to beat the candy out of you." Veronica
• "You are going to be so popular in hell." Veronica

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• "When you get tired of New York you take a nappa , you don't move to Nappa." Carrie
• "No one has breakfast at Tiffany's or Affairs to remember, instead, we have breakfast at 7am and affairs we'd like to forget as quickly as possible." Carrie
• "There are so many goddamn gourgeous women in this city...but after a while you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh." Big
• "You blew me off for a piece of politically incorrect beef?" Miranda
• "Man discovered fire, but woman discovered how to play with it." Carrie
• "You can know his email address, you can't know he's the one." Carrie
• "God invented baby sitters for a reason." Miranda
• "Cars are to Los Angeles, what hand bags are to New York." Carrie
• "The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself." Carrie
• "How the hell did we get into this mess?" Carrie
• "I'm sort of a sexual anthropolgist." Carrie
• "What am I, your intellectual beard for the evening?" Miranda
• "Cute doesn't cut it anymore." Miranda
• "I believe there is a curse put on anyone who tries to set up thier friends." Carrie
• "How could anyone so cute not be gay." Stanford
• "The things you gotta do in the name of research." Carrie
• "Beauty is fleeting but a rent controled apartment is forever." Carrie
• "One of the best things about living in a city like New York, is leaving it." Carrie
• "When someone gets married, we become the enemy." Carrie
• "When did being single translate into being gay?" Miranda
• "Married people don't hate singles, they just need to figure us out." Carrie
• "I may not be the marrying kind." Carrie
• "He's not my boyfriend, he's just someone I'm trying on." Carrie
• "If you turn into one of those married assholes, I'll kill you." Samantha
• "My wife will be disappointed, she was looking for a lesbian couple to add to our circle." Charles
• "You could smell my despiration." Carrie
• "Sometimes there is nothing better than meeting your single girlfriends for a night at the movies." Carrie
• "we're not dating, it's a f*** thing." Miranda
• "I forgot how fun it was just to kiss." Carrie
• "You need all the girl support you can get." Carrie
• "We're talking about up the butt, I think a cigarette is in order." Carrie
• "A hole is a hole." Samantha
• "She yerned for the time when dinner was followed by dessert, not lubricant." Carrie
• "Who ever heard of Mrs. Up the Butt." Charlotte
• "I'm good at crossword puzzles, I'm just not so good at people puzzles." Carrie
• "Shopping is a way to release the creative subconscious." Carrie
• "I confronted that eternal puzzle, a closet full of clothes and nothing to wear." Carrie
• "The truth is only to be found in the cunt." Nevil Morgan
• "Just because Venice is sinking doesn't mean my morals has to sink with it." Carrie
• "True romance cannot exist without great sex." Miranda
• "Isn't delayed gratification the definition of maturity?" Carrie
• "I can't be hemmed in by rules." carrie
• "How can you judge him before you spanked him?" Carrie
• "Nobody in New York notices a bus until it's about to hit them." Samantha
• "I commited the cardinal sin, I've forsaken my friends for a boyfriend." Carrie
• "She'll juggle, she'll spin plates, but she won't give head." Carrie
• "I only give head to get head." Miranda
• "Threesomes are the blowjobs of the 90's." samantha
• "If your friends won't go down on you, who will." Miranda
• "You know who wants to get married, men who miss thier mommies." Miranda
• "Maybe nobody gets it all." Carrie
• "I have low self esteem, but I express it in a healthy way, I eat a box if double stuff Oreos." Miranda
• "Oh Toto, I don't think we're in Manhatten any more." Carrie
• "The witch in Hansel and Gretel, she's really misunderstood. I mean she builds her dream house, and these brats come along and eat it." Miranda
• "I don't have a baby, everybody drink!" Samantha
• "Oh, the nuns." Samantha
• "Having been raised in the church of be nice to people, and don't talk with your mouthful..." Carrie
• "All religions are sweet until you get to the showering after sex thing." Miranda
• "Isn't this fun, it's like hell with a cover charge." Stanford
• "I've turned into one of those couples we hate, and I'm loving it." Stanford
• "Me, James and his tiny penis are all one big happy family." Samantha
• "I came for the beer." Carrie
• "Nobody rebounds with the new Yankee." Carrie
• "Breakup rule number 3: until emotionally stable, never enter a store." Carrie
• "No matter who broke your heart or how long it takes to heal, you'll never get through it without your friends." Carrie
• "If you're not happy, you should leave." carrie
• "Sex is not time for chat." Miranda
• "Until she found the perfect man, she'd have the perfect dog." Carrie
• "Sometimes a rose is just a rose." Miranda
• "What can I say, I need a big dick." Samantha
• "Men are so frustrating and inconsistant." Charlotte
• "Vodka was my only alli." Samantha
• "Are all men freaks?" Carrie
• "If the worlds fattest twins can get marries, then there's hope for all of us." Carrie
• "We're all alone, even when we're with men." Samantha
• "We are single and fabulous." Samantha
• "What's the big mystery, it's my clitoris not the Sphinx." Miranda
• "Sometimes it's better to be alone than to fake it." Carrie
• "That's the funny thing about New York, you never know if a cab is going to kill you or save you." Carrie
• "You know wha tmy version of hell is, wearing rented two toned shoes." Big
• "I perfomed an unatural act of my own, I cooked!" Carrie
• "They're {Lesbians} cool, and they buy art and thier lives aren't complicated by men." Charlotte
• "I don't understand why women want to get married. Married people just want to be single and when you're single, the would is your smorgishborg." Samantha
• "I believe in lust at first sight." Big
• "I just had deja fuck." Carrie
• "I'll be at the bar where my people are drinking." Carrie
• "Did the last 4 1/2 hours mean nothing to you?" Charlotte
• "I want someone who is going to be with me until the end ...of a wedding." Carrie
• "Your silence indicates ageism." Samantha
• "Apparently everyone in Manhatten wants to be in Denial." Carrie
• "They all look the same in the dark." Samantha
• "I didn't have the heart to tell Charlotte that happily ever after was just a myth." Carrie
• "Men are shit." Miranda
• "If checking out other women is the biggest problem you have, honey, you've got it good." Samantha
• "There was so much skin, it was like a sharpe." Charlotte
• "Physical violence is never the answer." Big
• "I don't have enough time to tell you what's wrong with corduroy." Miranda
• "You're trying to pretend we live in a classless society and we don't." Charlotte
• "I'm not being a bitch, I'm just being myself." Carrie
• "I'm being punished for being successful." Miranda
• "There is nothing mor humiliating for a woman than going to the gynochologist." Miranda
• "Walk softly and carry a big purse." Miranda
• "Is he a straight gay man or a gay straight man?"
• "You're so uptight you need to do an #7." Samantha
• "Let's save an hour, why don't you tell me what I want." Carrie
• "Thier version of 'we', is them and thier dick." Camantha
• "I haven't had good sex since Cats was on Broadway." Stanford
• "When the shoe fetish meets the foot fetish, all reason goes out the window." Carrie
• "How can you not have a shrink." Stanford
• "Maybe I've picked the wrong guys for me, but who hasn't." Carrie
• "The only place you can control a man is in bed." Samantha
• "I'm getting a contact high from the testosterone." Samantha
• "You can't date your fuck buddy." Samantha
• "When Frannie told me she was a lesbien, I said great, as long as she wasn't a Republican." Wallace
• "Is your vagina in the guide books, because it should be, it's the hottest spot in town and it's always open." Charlotte
• "The most important thing in life is family. Sometimes it's the one you're born into and sometimes it's the one you make for yourself." Carrie
• "Who we are in bed is who we are in life." Samantha
• "If you build it, he will cum." Miranda
• "I know haw to please a man, you just give up most of your power." Miranda
• "Cynisism, there's one advantge we have with girls in thier 20's." Samantha
• "There are no white knights, we have to save ourselves." Carrie
• "There's quite a difference between a rescue fantasy and a rescue reality." Carrie
• "I don't think our founding fathers were very fuckable."
• "I don't believe in the Democratic party or the Republican party, I just like THE Party" Samantha
• "I didn't grow up in a naked house." Charlotte
• "Ten pounds doesn't a porker make." Carrie
• "You're choosing cigarettes over a cute guy." Miranda
• "Now I know I want ot be with a man who wants to be with me." Carrie
• "You can know his email, but you can't know he's the one." Carrie
• "Who wants thier virginity back, it was bad enough the first time." Carrie
• "I for one, can't wait for menopause, can you imagine how freeing it will be not to have our periods?" Miranda
• "One woman's Titanic is another woman's Love Boat." Carrie
• "Men are like cabs, when they're ready, thier lights go on." Miranda
• "You're my girlfriends, help me!" Samantha
• "They don't call it a job for nothing." Samantha
• "There's two kinds of guys, the ones that hold your hands and the ones that fuck you." Samantha
• "It was my own personal belief that cars are to LA what handbags are to New York." Carrie
• "It's LA, nobody cares if your eggs come with a side of cock." Miranda
• "One woman's pornographer is another woman's spiritual leader." Carrie
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"We only get two chiced, forgive or die a slow death." Andrew Shillinger
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• "Don't go toward the light, you'll fall down and break your hip." House
• "Why don't I have hi def in my office, I'm a department head!" House
• "Cheese is the devil's play thing." House
• "Get me those miosites in my office, I want to talk to them." House
• "Who's gonna take us seriously if we don't have a lasar pointer?" House
• "I'm not hooked on drugs anymore, I am, however, hooked on phonics." House
• "It's a little wierd to be discussing a case while you're starring at your blood on the floor." Dr. Forman
• "In a way, aren't we all guilty of bribing the janitor to give me files?" House
• "That is the stupidest thing you've ever done, and there's a lot of competition." Cuddy
• "You know what could save this couple, lots of misdirected sarcasm." Wilson
• You get S.T.D.'s from people you trust." House
• "Repairmen cost less than lawyers." Camren
• "Who are we talking about, you know, just in case you need me to chime in and tell you you're a lunatic at some point." Wilson
• "My pride far surpasses my instinct for survival" Dr. House
• "I thought you might prefer people over pills." Wilson
• "I love the smell of puss in the morning." House
• "If you called to see th edesign for my prison tats, they're still in R&D." House
• "...I've even embraced step , accepting that there's a higher power, maybe not a god persay, but that Andre the Giant guy was powerful." House
• "My free will, I never leave home without it." House
• "I though I told you never to call me, when I'm on trial." House
• "I know you're in there, I can hear you caring." House
• "Legal beats logic everytime, just ask OJ." Wilson
• "You're an ass, act surprised." Forman
• "Commitment is only commitment because it has no expiration date." Forman
• "People who avoid commitment are people who know what a big thing it is." Forman
• "I'll be out of your hair tomorrow...what's left of it." Wilson
• House: "Do you know what hemroids are?
  Boy: "No."
  House: "Well Google it!"
• "What, did your horoscope in Vogue tell you to avoid women waring green shoes?" Wilson
• "The eyes can mislead, a smile can lie, but the shoes always tell the truth." House
• "I could set up a tower on the roof during a lightning storm, then you could switch brains with your patient." Wilson
• "Did you come for my feelings, beicause I left them in my other pants." House
• "When you're a drug addict you wnat to believe everyone else is too." Forman
• "Naternial instinct is always insane, but that doens't mean it's wrong." Cuddy
• "I'm a man, I don't do laundry, I've saving lives." Wilson
• "I'm supposed to be teaching you, if I can do that without listening more power to me." House
• "Grab some scapples and settle this like doctors." House
• "I'm sorry I thought we were having a 'State the Obvious Contest', I'm competative by nature." House
• "He didn't want to lose his all access pass to her love rock." House
• "I'm lowering expectaions. It works here and on dates." House
• "Fetuses lie." House
• "You never suck beer out of the bottom of a keg, were'd you go to college!" House
• "Everybody does stupid things, it shouldn't cost them everything they want in life." House
• "Monkey see monkey barf." House
• "I'm not getting sucked into the vortex of your insanity." Wilson
• "What's life without the ability to make stupid choices." House
• "Here's to women, you can't live with them, you can't kill them, you can't tell your neighbors they're stripping in Atlantic City." House
• "Fatal sounds really bad." House
• "Gotta go, people are dying, the whole circle of life thing." House
• "After 6 months poop love fades." House
• "Where's that smile, that laugh that makes the whole world sunny without contributing to global warming." House
• "So we isolate the cells that are yummy." House
• "What do you think about me hiring a nutritionist instead of a neurologist, I mean, they sound almost the same." House
• "...or accept the fact that you've done something nice, then I have to deal with horsemen and reign of fire and the end of days." Wilson
• "Her head blew up, how cool is that?" House
• House: "My patient's about to have a heart attack. It's gonna be massive."
  Cuddy: "Oh well, that's too bad, 'cause I just got ticket to a stroke on three."
• "Get me som licorace, this is gonna be the best heart attack of all times." House
• "What's the use in living wothout curiousity." House
• "Are you accusing the symptoms of lying?" House
• "The adult way doesn't work, why bother." House
• "You got two choices, engage me in a futile argumanet and do as I ask or just do as I asked." House
• "Idle iron is the devil's playground." House
• "If there's one thing Castor knows, it's how to look good in green." House
• "I'm thinking the broken bones are are a response to the building falling on her head." House
• "I don't want her to die because you're stubborn." Cuddy
• "You really think the guy who created heaven and earth really cares what you put in your digestive system." House
• "Rational arguments ususally don't work on religious people otherwise there would be no religious people." House
• "Without competition, we'd still be single cell organisms." House
• "Misery is better than nothing." House
• Dead is not a diagnosis." House
• "Just because he's religious doesn't mean he won't kick your ass." Camron
• "There is no medicine like happiness..." House
• House: "I know how to kill a man with my thumb."
  Cuddy: "Who doesn't."
• "I became a doctor because of the movie Patch Adams" House
• "Magic is cool, actual magic is an oxymoron." House
• "A profit seeking entity released this?" Wilson
• "There's no such thing as a saint without a past." House
• "I've heard that all lawyers aren't as ethical as those we've seen on TV." House
• "Bring me the egg nog of good cheer." House
• "People don't change just because they want to." House
• "Today we withhold porn, tomorrow it's clean bandages." House
• "The more you interupt, the longer my grandstanding is going to take." House
• "You're worried the tumor might overhear, figure out we're onto it." House
• "She says she cares about other people, what poser." Wilson
• "Harm suggests permanant damage." House
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• Nelly Olsen: "I hate you."
  Laura Ingalls: "I hope so."
• "Life sure was a lot easier when I didn't like boys." Laura Ingalls
• "My son will not be a boy." Harriet Olsen
• "Sometimes it's too hard for loved ones to be firm enough." Adam
• "Sick people need visitors, it cheers them up." Laura
• "Have you thought of what you're gonna do with your share of the honey money." Laura
• "We can't be selfish just 'cause we're rich." Laura
• "You're gonna have to learn not to argue with your mother in law." Caroline
• "Well professor, this way to the lavatory." Hester Sue
• "Do you realize how many fools loose their money in the stock market." Nels Olsen
• "Gambleing is when you can loose." Harriet Olsen
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• Ruthie:"How fast is 100 miles an hour?"
  Annie: "It means, in the time it takes to watch Xena, you could go 100 miles."
  Ruthie: "Well I'm not going, I don't want to miss Xena."
  
• Eric: "Sometimes when you're with a group of people who believe in something really strongly, you can be influenced by that and then you start to believe like they believe."
  Simon: "So it's kind of like church."
  
• "Sometimes a hat is just a hat." Ruthie
• "That's what red tape is for, to make you stick to the rules." IRS man
• "It hurts your feelings when you hide and no one seeks." Ruthie
• "There are 10,000 ways to get in the door, it's what you do when you're there that counts." The Colonel
• Simon: "It's not meant to be understood, it's like opera"
  Ruthie: "I understand Opera, I watch her on TV."
  
• Bratty kid's father: "Did you know that guns don't kill people, people kill people.
  Eric: "People with guns kill people."
• Mary: "I'm a disgrace to women drivers everywhere."
  Lucy: "Yeah, but not because you cried, because you can't parallel park."
  
• "And actually crying to get your way isn't a disgrace to all women drivers, it's a disgrace to all women period." Lucy
• Eric:"Cleanliness is next to Godliness."
  Lucy:"Like God cares if our bathtub is clean."
  
• Ruthie: "I had no idea kissing was such a big deal."
  Lucy: "Let me tell you something sister, IT IS!"
• "Think less, kiss more" Jordon
• Matt: "Why are you rying?"
  Lucy: "That's what I do."
• "In the world of childbirth, there is no such thing as too much pain medication." Eric
• "Nothing freaks me out that other people's morals." Matt
• Ruthie: "I still haven't found one that speaks to me."
  Simon: "Well what do you want the car to say?"
  Ruthie: "I'm economical, I'm good looking, and I want to take you everywhere in style."
  Simon: "Are you sure you're not looking for a husband?"
• "This is just one of those tricks to make me learn something." Ruthie
• "How come kids want to leave the nest but their laundry wants to stay." Annie
• "We don't want to go to you know where-you know, like a hot hot tub only not relaxing for your muscles." Ruthie
• "...and make us go to you know where, like a campfire and you have fun making s'mores, only it's not so fun and you're the s'more." Ruthie
• "...you know where, like summer vacation only hotter and not as much fun." Ruthie
• "Don't ruin a perfectly good night of spying on our kids with logic." Eric
• "We're like the Cleavers, except we're religious and we like to fool around." Eric
• "Don't channel you're inner Rev. Camden." T-Bone
• "We're teenagers. We're used to going against the wishes of elders." T-Bone
• "Sometimes you have to take a job that you don't like to be able to do what you need to do." Jane
• "If a cracker is the body of Christ, I wonder what a cookie is?" Sam
• "Why don't Protestants have confession? Why do Catholics have the market on that?" Annie
• "I don't need any bad mojo from a black bird." Sandy
• "I'm not a side, I'm a mom!" Annie
• "The technicians wouldn't have given me results if I had given hima free pass to heaven." Eric
• "You can't go through life saying 'you're not supposed to do that', you'll never have any fun." Mac

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• "There are no secrets among those who wax." Mary Cherry
• "I'm retaining so much water I fell like I'm carrying around an aquarium in my pocket." Brooke McQueen
• "Cut to the chase and give me some chocolate." Lily
• "Only those who have a uterus can be a cheer leader." Mary Cherry
• "I'm just not comfortable with a man's hairy hand touching my spongey places propelling my buttocks heavenward." Mary Cherry
• "I dig you in a Bonnie and Clyde let's dress up in expensive clothes and kill people kind of way." Nicole
• "Are you sure you're not wasting away in paranoiaville." Lily
• "Don't tell me it's all in my head, because, well maybe it is, but it's the only head I've got!" Carman
• "You wanna get in touch with your inner nerd, get the Jeopardy home game." Josh Ford
• "What does one have to do to get spanked?" Mary Cherry
• "I'm not catching mad cow disease from a desk!" Nicole Julian
• "It takes more than dead presidents to pull off a take over!" Cherri Cherry
• Mary Cherry: "..in short little Lily, eat me!"
  Lily:"Believe me, if I wasn't a vegitarian, Mary Cherry, I would!"
• "You do know when the earth cracks open, young lovers are swallowed up first." Bobbi Glass
• "Well that was sarcastic, which I enjoy." Nicole Julian
• "I like being flawed, it's more...me." Carmen
• "Misery does not love perkiness." Mary Cherry
• "Why do the wicked always get rewarded." Lily
• "Did it really take 5 cows for me to look like Lenny Kravitz?" Josh Ford
• "Everything I know about religion I learned from A Charlie Brown Christmas." Harrison John
• "The biggest epidemic out there is dishonesty." Harrison
• "It's not my place to tell a woman what she can and can not do with her body. That's a Republican's job." Josh
• "Trust no one. No one is honest." Mary Cherry
• "Are you actually asking me to break you out of the Friend of the Hand Club?" Nicole
• "What's a little bone marrow between polar opposites from different social spheres?" Nicole
• "I've got two words for you...exorcism." Mary Cherry
• "A demon can't be reasoned with." Mary Cherry
• "How do I find an appropriate gift for someone as stylish as you? I tried the presidency but unfortunately you need a brother who's a governor." Mary Cherry
• "Once again the media elite is threatening free expression. MTV news is hosting a summit for high school presidents adn I've been invited to wax poetic on the subject of the day from a teen prespective, however, they request business attire adnare refusing to allow me to wear my tribute to Commander Tuvok of the Star Fleet. The Federation of Planets deems it business attire, why won't MTV?" April Tuna
• "It's called a sloppy Joe, not a tidy tid bit." Mary Cherry
• "We will boldly go where best friends have never gone before." April Tuna
• "I tried to reason with her, but as usual her inner bitch won out." Nicole
• "I've seen Animal House like five times on TBS and believe me, a frat party is no place for girls to be alone." Josh Ford
• "Your story went down like low fat yogurt." Sam
• "Change starts with one person saying this is wrong and I won't tolerate it." Lily
• "So don't you have anything better to do, like rub two sticks together and discover fire?" Brooke
• "I beg to differ with your insane pretzel logic." Nicole
• "I'm disturbed to find a raptor as vicious as you in pain." April Tuna
• "Boys are worth not losing your identity over." Brooke

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• "There's nothing that can't be fixed with a little you know what in the head shop." Mrs. Doyal
• Mrs. Doyal: "What would you sat to a cup?"
  Fr. Jack: "Feck off cup."
• "Dougal, you can praise God by sleeping." Fr. Ted
• "Drink! Drink! Drink!" Fr. Jack
• "Did you ever notice how only sick people come to hospital." Dougal
• "Nuns are people too." Bishop Brennan
• "Nothing is your area, unless it's a play aea wich sand castles and buckets." Bishop Brennan
• "Down with this sort of thing." Protest sign
• "I used to think about the future, and then it became the present and I thought about it a lot then, and then it was the past, so I didn't think about it that much." Fr. Ted
• "Nuns! Nuns! Reverse!" Fr. Jack
• "Is he dying, poor Jim, he won't like that much." Dougal
• "...like peas in a pub." Dougal
• "It's great to have a nun around, give the place a little glamour." Dougal
• "How did you get into the chuch? Was it collect 12 crips packets and become a priest." Fr. Ted to Dougal
• "There he is risen from the dead...like that fellow...ET." Fr. Ted
• "It doesn't matter what day it is, there's always time for a nice cup of tea." Mrs. Doyle
• "Sure didn't our Lord himself on the cross pause for a moment foe a nice cup of tea before giving himself up for the world." Mrs Doyal
• "No! It's a lovely word our Lord gave us to use here on earth when you don't want cake." Mrs. Doyal
• "Who are you?...I like cake!...Where am I?...Are those my feet?...Drink! Arse! Girls!" Fr. Jack
• Fr. Ted: "Don't drink that, it's..."
  Fr. Jack: "Feckin' water!"
• That's the great thing about Catholocism, it's so vague, no one knows what it's all about." Fr. Ted
• "That would be an ecumenical matter." Fr. Jack
• "Bishops love scifi!" Dougal
• "If God has exisited forever, what did he do in his spare time before he created the earth?" Dougal
• "I'm nearly 26 and you treat me like a 24 year old." Dougal
• "The differance between right and wrong-you know, page one of being a Catholic." Fr. Ted
• "I read somewhere I think it was in an artical, about black socks, that priest's black socks are darker than everybody elses black socks." Dougal
• "I want out. I went too far too soon. I didn't know what was getting into. I didn't know you had to follow up a good idea with laods more good ideas." Dougal
• "Facists dress in black and go around telling people what to do." Fr. Ted
• "When he [the beast of Craggy Isalnd] moans, he sounds like Liam Neeson chasing a load of hens around in a barrel." Dougal
• "God Ted, it's nearly midday, do we have to get up this early?" Dougal
• "Pat was wondering if he could put his massive tool in my box?" Mrs Doyal
• "It's a terrible thing when a person can't even walk the down the street for fear of being stolen." Mrs. Doyal
• "I'm so happy, the sun's out and we're in an opticians-It just doesn't get better than this." Fr. Ted
• "I liked The English Patiant. Very Very long and very very boring, it was my kind of film." Fr. Noel
• "It's banned in most European countries, so that means it must be very good." Fr. Ted
• "You can forget about Icey Tea and Snoopy Snoopy Doggie Dog. They can't help you now." Fr. Ted
• "I won't be able to relax until the only rabbit left is the one in your head working the controls." Fr. Ted
• "You should really get a haircut, you don't want ot go down that Bob Geldof road." Fr. Ted
• "'Be yourself' is something you say. Never be youryourself around women, never, never, never!" Fr. Ted
• "I suppose sobriety for Fr. Jack must be like taking some mad hallucinagenic." Fr. Ted
• Fr. Ted: "It's 5am!"
  Dougal: "God, I've never seen a clock at 5am before."
• "He's not supposed to see his reflection, he doesn't know he's a priest." Fr. Noel
• "You have used 14 inches of sticky tape. God bless you." Sticky tape dispenser
• "The whole Catholic thing is a bit of a puzzler isn't it?" Dougal
• Fr. Ted:"Helping Bishop Brennan then?"
  Fr. Jesip: "No, I'm up in space doing important work for NASA."
• Fr. Ted: "Did you come by the new road?"
  Fr. Jesip: "No, we came by way of Yemin."
• Mrs. Doyal: "Will I make up the beds in the spare room for you?"
  Fr. Jesip: "No, we'll sleep outside in a ditch."
• "I've just heard they've taken the roads in."
• "As God as my witness, I will kick Bishop Brennan up are arse." Fr. Ted
• Bishop Brennan: "I have an audience with the Pope."
  Dougal: "Ah don't worry, they repeat those all the time."
• "I'm hugely confused." Dougal
• "Is there a big pile of jam coming towards us, only a big pile of jam made of old women?" Dougal
• "I don't want to catch the menapause." Owen McGlove
• "This is Fr. Brian Eno." Fr. Allan
• "Reno, I believe that's a lot like Wicklow." Fr. Ted

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• "It is worse to be incapable of loving than to not be loved." Jack
• "I'm not gonna let you guys moral majority me." Jen
• "...I really want to see who's responsible for Kevin Bacon's roguish devil-may-care hairdo." Pacey
• "Know what else I hate about TV? they always cut to a commercial during the best part." Dawson
• "Did you ever feel like you were in the middle of a Lifetime movie." Jack McPhee
• "The edge is fleeting, art lasts forever." Dawson Leary
• AJ: "Would it be alright if I called you sometime?"
  Joey: "It wouldn't suck."
• "Everything in life is not always about winning. You have to find joy in the process, you have to love what you do." Joey Potter
• "So we're scaling new heights of Mount Lame." Joey Potter
• "I may not be Ivy League material, but if you give me a road map and a remote control, I can find my way to the Discovery Channel and back." Pacey Whitter
• "Friends should not teach friends to drive stick." Dawson
• "You are far too young to be this jaded." Grams
• "If I was actually to do something about this, there is a strong possibility that the sun would cease to shine, that the tides would cease to rise, in fact, I'm betting that there's a pretty good chance that the very earth would crack open and Capeside would become home to a huge hell mouth that would spew fourth endless hords of monsters and demons that would choke the denisons of the city, making them fall to thier knees and pray for the return to the days before I took action." Pacey
• "I just want you to know that a 10 year old with a cell phone is just plain wrong." Pacey
• "Our pain makes us real." Andie McPhee
• "I just need a place to sleep, you've gone all hetero on me..." Pacey to his brother
• "I think that size only matters whe you have a full view of the entire package." Jen
• "The Tao of Dawson would be to do nothing."
• "Since when did obnoxiousness become an adequate substitute for wit." Jack
• "It's never very nice...when adult hood encrouches on your life." Gretchen Whitter
• "Never underestimate a primate's desire to hear about his ablities in the sack." Pacey
• "He's looking at Interview with a Vampire, he's obviously gay." Jack

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• Helen:"Why don't you eat a cookie?"
  Ally: "Why don't we split it?"
  
• "You can lead a man by the penis, but it's the wrong way to tame him." Ally
• "A judge has to have wisdom, he has to have integrity...I'm a lawyer." Ally
• "I object to people who every time they do something scummy, blame it on the environment." Ally
• "Nothing's ticking in me, I don't tick!" Ally
• "I like being a mess, it's who I am." Ally
• Georgia:"What makes your problems bigger than everyone else's."
  Ally: "They're mine."
  
• "I'm used to getting dumped, thinking back, this isn't pain I'm feeling, it's nostalgia." Ally
• "When you're with me, it's the only time you're not the strangest person in the room." Ally
• Lawyer:"Damned if they do, damned if they don't."
  Nun: "We're Catholic."
  
• "Getting dumped isn't exactly a show of penance, if it was, I'd be Mother Superior." Ally
• "A frog is not a vegetable, a frog is a meal." Ling
• "We're not only wired to want what we can't have, but to want what we don't want." Ally
• "There's no sin in loving a man, only pain." Ally
• "We're brainwashed into believing that the best people are normal and attractive and maybe they're not..."Ally
• "Hypocrisy makes me rot." Ling
• "Women are exploited by the high heal shoe. Women are exploited by the idea that we have to paint our eyelashes everyday just to go to work...pharmaceutical companies spend billions of dollars convincing us that cellulite is evil, is that empowerment? What world do you live in?" Ling
• "Common sense is killing us." Ally
• "In victory we have credibility." Nell
• "I had a dream that they put my face on the cover of Time Magazine as the face of feminism." Ally
• "There are so many things besides intercourse, but men can't see beyond their dumb sticks." Ling
• "There's no substitute in life for respect and kindness and this dope thought he was exempt because he rounded up enough idiots to vote for him." Ling
• Ally: "You think we're all from Mars."
  Bobby Donnel: "I didn't say which planet."
• "There is nothing lonelyer than date the wrong guy." Renée
• "Forget it! We got ice cream, who needs a guy." Renée
• "This is an office place, people shouldn't be happy." Ling
• "If you want a guy, you gotta go out and grab him. That's why God gave man the handle, for women to latch on to." Richard Fish
• "I hate being alone on Thanksgiving. It makes it hard to eat the turkey because you feel like one." Elaine
• Ally: "Do you think I'm nuts?"
  Whipper: "No, but I'm not sure you have two feet on the ground either."
  Ally: "You mean some people do?"
• "How impresssed do you think the big big client we to see you repeatedly reaching for your left nostril during an imprompt excavation project." Richard
• "We're talking about 5 seconds here. That;s how long the big 'O' lasts, 5 seconds, maybe 6. This is so typical of men. What we want is affection, commitment, companionship, someone to spend our days and nights with, someone to make us happy in life and you focus on a few minor muscle contractions." Ling
• "Was it something I said. Tell me so I can write it down." Ling
• "Merry Christmas, what's the catch?" Ally
• Georgia: "Ling, it's not that we don't appriciate your good will..."
  Elaine: "We just don't believe it."
• "I don't believe that violence solves anything, so you should leave before I leap to a poor solution." Ally
• "He's a White-Anglo Heterosexual, the law doesn't care about him." John
• Billy: "Where do you see yourself 20 years from now?"
  Richard: "Now see, there's your mistake...by not asking myself that now, 20 years hence I won't be disappointed."
• "Why wouldn't you want to date me, he has a penis." Ling
• Ling: "I never thought I wanted to be a mother, but things are different now."
  Nell: "Such as..."
  Ling: "They can lasar off stretch marks, the sacrifices aren't as big."
• Richard: "Sweetheart..."
  Ling: "Please don't call me that, I'm not sweet."
• "Whatever my pain, I can take heart in not being you." Ling
• "Life is about image. You're not who you are so much as people think you are." John
• Cop: "You have the right to remain silent."
  Ling: "I have a right not too."
• "What is all this good morning crap." Ally
• "There is no power in acting the way you think other people want you to be." Ally

Ally Links

• Good Info
• Official Vonda Shepard page

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• "I can't listen with ears which I won't have if you bite my head off." Lucy-
• "This is what you get when you have 12 people too stupid to get out of jury duty." Helen Gamble
• "If you go with a softer look, you might get hit on by nice guys." Lindsey
• "It's a wedding not a Celtic's game." Helen
• "I'm an animal rights activist too, and there's a waiver on rats." Elenor Frutt
• "I don't want a baby, can you get that through your baby happy head!" Rebecca
• "I know you are required by law to be a slow as humanly possible." Helen

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• "It's better to be a child of the road, than a son of a ditch." Red Green(The New Red Green Show)
• Harold: "It's a joke."
  Red: "I work with a joke."
  Harold(Laughing): "That's a good one-you work."
• "Snakes and trees aren't natural enemies. They don't normally fight, but if the tree were to attack first, the snake will bite back and kill the tree." Ranger Gord
• "It's better to be a child of the road, than a son of a ditch." Red Green
• Harold: "It's a joke."
  Red: "I work with a joke."
  Harold(Laughing): "That's a good one-you work."
• "Snakes and trees aren't natural enemies. They don't normally fight, but if the tree were to attack first, the snake will bite back and kill the tree." Ranger Gord
• "If women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy." Red Green
• "Contrary to popular folklore, bats will not suck the blood out of you body, that's your boss's job." Garth Harble
• The New Red Green Show
• PBS New Red Green Page
• Good Red Green Info
• The Handyman's Secret Weapon

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• "See you in hell dinner plate." Homer
• "All Kwik-E-Mart managers must be skilled in the deadly arts." Apu
• "Nothing like a depressant to chase the blues away. "Barney
• "We got a thing about death, it doesn't suit us." Bart
• "Just think, I turned to a cult for mindless happiness when I had beer all along." Homer
• "If God didn't want us to eat in church, he would have made gluttony a sin." Homer
• Bart:"Mom, can we go Catholic so we can get some wafers and some booze?"
  Marge: "No one's going Catholic, three children is enough."
• "Wow, Paul McCartney, we read about you in history." Lisa
• "The road to the Super Bowl is long and pointless." TV Announcer
• "I wanted to see your Utopia, but I see it's more like Fruitopia" Stephan Hawking
• Marge: "Who's ready for beers?"
  Stephan Hawking: "That's the smartest thing I've heard all day."
• "Rock stars, is there anything they don't know?" Homer
• "I didn't know Aerosmith made a cereal." Bart
• "A watched car never crashes." Homer
• "I love the use of streamers as blood, it robs the violence of it's power." Lisa
• "If someone did eat Bart's shorts, they'd have a tummy full of pocket garbage." Marge
• "Pink Frosting fixes everything." Marge
• "I'm gonna glue my nouth shut with butterscotch." Homer
• "I guess there's just no place for truth and bravery in today's media." Lisa
• "Must open, I want what's in you." Homer
• Lisa: "You can't hang up on a nun."
  Marge: "That's right, they have powers."
• "Behold the Amazon, but quickly because we're burning it down."
• "Go suck a Bible" Homer
• "I'll just dance and worry at the same time." Marge
• "What's the problem, you fall in?" Homer
• "Nothing personal, I just fear the unfamilar." Marge
• "Once again, you've delivered an important message wrapped in entertainment." Bart
• "A boy without mischief is like a bowling ball without a liquid center." Homer
• "The german shepherd speaks German?" Cal
• "Remember, as far as everyone knows, we're a nice normal family." Homer
• "I don't want to alarm anyone, but I think there's a little alc-e-hol in this punch." Marge
• "When will I learn the answer to life's are not at the bottom of a bottle--they're on tv!" Homer
• "OOO a political discussion at our table--I feel like a Kennedy." Lisa
• "...but Mom, we're becoming tools of evil." Lisa
• "Don't mess up France the way you messed up your room." Homer
• "You know who the real crooks are, those sleezy movie producers." Homer
• "Remember to take a break if your arms go numb." Marge
• "Give a hoot, read a book." Krusty the Clown
• "Nobody, but nobody eats the Simpsons." Homer
• "Mel Brooks is Jewish?" Homer
• "A man who envys our family is a man who needs help." Lisa
• "What do you say we freshen up our little drinky poos." Mr. Burns
• "With today's gasoline prices we can't afford not to get a pony." Homer
• "You think you got guts, try raising my kids." Homer
• "Oh cruel fate, why do you mock me?" Homer
• "Hello operator, get me the number for 911." Homer
• "Dear Lord on this blessed we thank thee for giving our family one more chance at togetherness." Homer
• "Stupid grass, this is supposed to be the boy's job." Homer
• "There's nothing wrong with crabgrass, it just has a bad name,th at's all. Everyone would love it if a cute name like elf grass." Homer
• "Give your putter a name...your putter's name is Charlene." Homer
• "Having never received any words of encouragement myself, I'm not sure how they're supposed to sound." Lisa
• "Oh, I'm a blimp, why are all the good things so tastey." Homer
• "Why was I cursed with this weakness with snack treats." Homer
• "There he is, Michaelangelo's Dave." Homer
• "If you take our cartoons away, we'll grow up without a sense of humor and be robots." Lisa
• Homer: "There's peas in my fruit cocktail."
  Lisa: "There's peas everywhere!"
• "You're as pretty as Princess Leah and smart as Yoda." Homer
• "I like your attitude, feisty but spineless." Mr. Burns
• "The police, they couldn't catch a cold!" Bart
• "English, who needs that, I'm never gonna go to England." Homer
• "I don't deserve you as much as a guy with a fat wallet and a credit card that won't set off that horrible beeping." Homer
• "If TV has taught me anything, it's that miricles happen to poor kids on Christmas." Bart
• "It sounds impossible, but I guess TV has betrayed me." Bart
• "Sometimes even the best sheep stray from the flock and need to be hugged extra hard." Marge
• "I'm not a genius, why should I suffer." Homer
• "Beer, now there's a temporary solutions." Homer
• "There's a little Simpson in all of us." Homer
• "Oh Homer, my brilliant beast." Marge
• "Good morning consumers, the Springfield Mall is now open for your spending needs." Mall Security Guard
• "War is niether galmorous nor fun. There are no winners, only losers. There are no good wars with the following exceptions, The American Revolution, World War II, and the Star Wars Trilogy." Bart
• "Homer is my ball's name." Marge
• "Hot pizza, food of kings." Homer
• "Who'd possibley be late on on meatloaf night." Bart
• "Hair-just like everyone else." Homer
• "It's in the contract, one token promotiuon a year." Smithers
• "According to this, you aren't due to arrive here until the next time the Yankees win the Penant. That's nearly a century from now." The Devil
• "Good old beer, my love for you will never die." Homer
• "Hey cool, I'm dead." Bart
• "Is there anything faster than a microwave?" Homer
• "The three little sentances that will get you through life: Number one- 'Cover for me.' Number two-'Oh, good idea boss.' Number three- 'It was like that when I got here.'" Homer
• "They must think people will watch anything." Homer
• "Say what they can about cafateriea food, I still think they are the best tator tots money can buy." Principal Skinner
• "There you go, smoke them in good health." Apu
• "Good night sweet principal." Patti
• "And thank you most of all for nuclear power, which has to cause a single proven fatality--at least in this country." Homer
• "You can never find the horn when you're mad." Homer
• "Oooh, that's your plan, get us addicted then jack up the price." Homer
• "This is our pet, we can question his integrity and disposition, but we can't question his heart." Lisa
• "We should be teaching the children to treasure the elderly, we'll be old someday." Marge
• "I can tell she really cared for me, she didn't make me a pall bearer." Grandpa Simpson
• "Has it ever occured to you that old people deserve to be treated with repsect whether they have money or not!" Grandpa Simpson
• "I dread the day when a hundred thousand dollars isn't worth groveling for." Mr. Burns
• "It takes time to sugar-coat and answer." Lisa
• "As God as my witness, I will always be hungry again." Homer
• "You'll never go broke when you appeal to the lowest common denominator." Lisa
• "Just because I don't care doesn't mean I understand." Homer
• "No little girl can be happy unless she has faithin her daddy." Marge
• "You can't have any fun in bed." Bart
• "I promised I wouldn't eat---NEVER!" Homer
• Marge: "Grandpa, what's your secret?"
  Grandpa Simpson: "Pretending to cry."
• "Too bad we didn't come dressed as popular cartoon characters." Bart
• "A hundred dollars for a comic book, who was it drawn by Michael de Angelo?" Homer
• "I'm not popular enough to be different." Homer
• "It's well documented that women are safer drivers than men." Marge
• "Who would have guessed reading and and wrting would pay off." Homer
• "This will be one nation under the dollar with liberty and justice for none." Lisa
• "You ate my homework? I didn't know dogs really did that." Bart
• Lisa: "I wish for world peace."
  Homer: "Lisa, that was very selfish of you."
• "Less talk, more sleep." Bart
• "What good is money if you can't inspire terror in your fellow man." Mr. Burns
• "How was detention, dear?" Marge
• "Maybe I curse a little, but that's the way God made me." Homer
• "When a woman loves a man, it doesn't matter if a crocadile bit off his face." Marge
• "The lottery, explotation of the poor and ignorant." Moe
• "The lottery is the one ray of light in my otherwise unbearable life." Homer
• "Sure we have order, but at what cost." Millhouse
• "If you don't watch the violence you won't get desanitized to it." Bart
• "It takes two to lie, one to lie and one to listen." Homer
• "If something's hard to do then it's not worth doing." Homer
• "There's plenty of money out of there for anyone who can fake thier own death." Otto
• "We're living in the time of cooties." Bart
• "Five fingers, oooo freak show!" Bart
• Marge: "Leave of three let is be."
  Homer: "Leaves of four eat some more."
• "I'd never lend my name to an infirior product." Bart
• "What if we picked the wrong religion, we're just making God madder and madder." Homer
• "Please don't give my god a peanut." Apu
• "Since they stopped testing on animals a guy like me can really clean up." Barnie
• "She'll see through me like Grandma's underpants." Bart
• "When it comes to compliments, women are raving bloodsucking monsters always wanting more, More, MORE." Homer
• "I think women and seamen don't mix." Smithers
• Marge: "I'm glad we didn't turn into mindless zombies."
  Bart: "Shhh, TV."
• "No matter how good a movie is, it can't compare to the imagination of a small boy." Bart
• "MMMM soilent green." Homer
• "A woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you would step over your mother just to get one. But you can't stop at one." Homer
• "I've got two words for you, 'mellow out man.'" Homer
• "When two best friends work together, not even God himself can stop them." Homer
• "The sooner they talk, the sooner they talk back." Homer
• "Nothing you can say can upset us, we're the MTV generation." Bart
• "True or false, you can get mono from the monorail." Bart
• "I was so depressed I ate a jar of expired olives." Selma
• "I was just thinking of a joke I saw on Herman's Head." Lisa
• "Ahh, God bless those pagans." Homer
• "All right brain, you don't like me and I don't like you..." Homer
• "oh the network slogan is true; 'watch FOX and be damned forever.'" Ned Flanders
• "And what are you doing Side Show Luke Perry?" Krusty
• "Good news, Marge, I've learned to walk naked on stilts." Homer
• "How dare you show our daughter a life of fun and possiblity." Marge
• "Sometimes when your mom has half a glass of wine, she goes coo-coo bananas." Marge
• "Thinking is for losers." Bart
• "Nothing is more powerful than a mother's love." Marge
• "I swear upon your eventual grave, I will never ever let the cops get thier handson you." Homer
• "On my chess set, all the pons are Hamburglers." Homer
• "This is America, justice should favor the rich!" Burns
• "Money is for poor people!" Burns
• "There's Big Ben, there's Picadilly Circus, there's Jimmy Page one of the greatest thieves of American black music who ever walked the earth." Homer
• "I'm acting the way America acts best, unilaterally." Homer
• "I've been nagging you so much on this trip, you couldn't know which nags to focus on." Marge
• "Dear god of England, please let me go. In return I will spell 'color' with a 'u' and I'll use the metric system..." Homer
• "Without TV it's hard to know when one day ends and another begins." Homer
• "I have a Jewish imaginary friend, her name is Rachel Cohen and she just got into Brandeis." Lisa
• "I hate to bother you while you're eating, but you're always eating." Chief Wiggam
• "I say live fast, die young and leave a big fat corpse." Bart
• "Is that what we do in this family, When someone becomes an inconvience we just get rid of them." Lisa
• "Please forgive me for those impure thoughts I had about the girl on the raisin box." Flanders
• "Marge, you gotta get on the internet, it has all the best conspiracy theories." Homer
• "I better check on my elf self." Marge
• "My son is an evil knight." Marge
• "Why can't you be friends like me and Mr. Finger?" Martin
• "That's Roofi, his music is the reason babies are idiots." Bart
• "From now on children acting out in public places will be lightly tased." Mayor Quimby
• "Creationism, but that's not science." Lisa
• "Lisa, you underestimate the teaching of non Biblical Science." Chief Wiggams
• "Seeing sappy movies with the ladies gas a certain payoff. Homer
• "It's called wicca and it's very empowering." Lisa
• "As The Bible says, screw that." Homer
• "How can I be a guardian I break my teeth on ribbon candy." Grandpa Simpson
• "This story is as dark as the new Milky Way bars." Marge
• "Now from that happy period between the lie and the rime it's found out." Homer
• "Business contracts are more important than love." Apu
• "Oh, action news, the last place an inpressionable kid can go for tv violence." Bart
• "Oh my god! Damn you snow!!!!!!!!" Kent Brockman
• "The times they are a-becoming quit different." Skinner
• "So you're not good at sports, it's a very small part of life." Marge
• "If The Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, It's that girls should stick to girls sports." Homer
• "It's wrong for you to reward competative violence." Lisa
• "Don't have a stereotypical view of me just because I'm you mother." Marge
• "If you get eaten, it's your own fault." Homer
• "I won't have any agressive condiment passing in this house." Marge
• "I can suck up to him, like the religious people suck up to God." Bart
• "Being a star is every Patriotic American's Dream." Bart
• "There's a 4:30 in the morning now?" Bart
• "The whole reason we have elected officials is so we don't have to think all the time." Homer
• "You're all the way in Austraila, hey, I think I heard a dingo eating your baby." Bart
• "I can hendle that, I'm an expert at phoney apologies." Bart
• "There's no substitute for the dicipline of a loving parent." Marge
• "That's weird, it's like that twilighty show about the zone thing." Homer
• "There's so much I don't know about astro physics-I wish I read that book by the wheelchair guy." Homer
• "We had a little snag when the universe collapsed on itself." Bart
• "Everything looks bad if you remember it." Homer
• "I'm going to have some vegitarian chili before they get desparate and add meat." Lisa
• "I like crafts better than stuffing my face." Marge
• "It's not my job to stop people from killing themselves." Cheif Wiggam
• "...note to self, stop doing anything." Homer
• Homer: "It's like you're from Venus..."
  Marge: "and you're from Mars."
  Homer: "Sure, give me the one with all the monsters."
• "We had deal, your sisters don't come over after 6 and I don't eat your lipstick." Homer
• "Since you have no collateral, I'm gonna break your legs in advance." Moe
• "It's been St. Patrick's day for hours, and I'm still not drunk yet!" Homer
• "Prohibition, pft! They tried that in the movies and it didn't work." Homer
• "Alcohol is a way of life." Homer
• "All my husband did was violate a law that doesn't make sense." Marge
• "How come no Chip-n-Dale dancers come in to renew thier licenses?" Selma
• "I think I'm getting repetative stress disorder from scratching my butt all day." Selma
• "I've been reading a lot of scripts lately, you know, it's a lot cheaper than going to the movies." Troy McClure
• "Smoke actaully smells good when it's coming out of you." Selma
• "If I don't save the wee turtles who will?" Willy the Grounds Keeper
• "Come on everybody, this place is like a tavern for me!" Homer
• "If they don't let me in here, I'll have to quit drinking." Homer
• "I just realized we had a wedding for the cat and the